“In poker there is, of course, no attempt to disguise the aggressive
element. Poker is a fighting game, a game in which each player tries to get the better of every other player and
does so by fair means or foul so long as he obeys the rules of the game. He may bluff or lie about his own strength,
the object of the game being either to frighten the other players into believing that he has greater strength or
else to prove it.” - Karl
Meninger -
My Pop seemed to have this knack about teaching me life lessons in unique ways. Most often
he just ‘sugar coated’ them around something that I was interested in or wanted. It was not until later that I
began to understand that he always used those instances to teach me something new or to reinforce other lessons
in process.
I was somewhere between eight and nine when Pop finally began teaching me about Poker. For years I had watched
the games he played with his buddies. Like all kids when watching adults play games, I constantly badgered him
with; “Can I play?, or “I want to play!” while looking over his shoulders. Most of the time he was so into the
game and just ignored me and other times he made sure I got a peek at his cards. He had this way of curling his
hands around the cards (regardless of whether they were playing draw, stud or hold’um) so that the other players
never got a peek at what cards he had. He would always take a quick peek then lay the cards back on the table,
never giving the other any idea about what cards he held. His movements were very subtle when he wanted me to see
his cards and he never established any pattern or “tell” when he did so.
There was a line from the Kenny Rogers song ‘The Gambler’ that went something like; “You’ve
got to know when to hold’um, know when to fold’um, know when to walk away and know when to run”. Pop’s first
lessons about Poker were all about when not to play, when to ‘fold’um’. In several of the articles that have
appeared in this column I have referenced one of the major life lessons about making judgments using and/or understanding
the phrase ‘upside potential and downside risk’. Fold’um cards were all about the ‘downside risk’ being bigger
than the ‘upside potential’.
Like all kids, I loved the action, the game and I didn’t much care about ‘fold’um’. To me all the fun appeared
to be in playing the hand, not giving up. That’s when Pop began teaching me about understanding the limits. The
‘limits’? First; a deck of poker cards contained 52 cards and the best ‘hands’ were limited to those that
could be made from those cards. Second, the use of those cards was contained in the ‘deal’ being played.
Third, the better the hand the lower the odds were that it could be achieved. Fourth, every ‘hand’
except one (the royal flush) could be beat. Fifth, betting is required to follow the pre-established limits.
Sixth, the ‘buy-in’ was the same for each player and finally, Seventh, when your ‘chips’ were gone
you are out of the game. These ‘limits’ were designed to insure that (at the beginning) a level playing field was
established. The only variable was the ‘skill’ of the players. Now, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that
most all of these things Pop was teaching me apply to real life, not just poker. If you are going to get into the
‘game’ you need to understand the ‘limits’, the ‘odds’ of succeeding, the ‘risk’ involved, the ‘skills’ necessary
to compete with the others in the game and how to manage your assets (chips).
During these lessons, Pop would set me down at the kitchen table and deal out several hands, three for me and
three for himself. Most often we would play the game know as Seven Card Stud. We would go through each hand as
they were dealt out and Pop would demonstrate the dynamics of each as they related to the other. Initially I would
fold two of my three hands after receiving four or five cards because I already knew (or thought I knew) which
of my three was the best hand. Time and time again Pop demonstrated that the winning hand was the best five of
seven and not the best four (or five) of five. The first lesson in this exercise was to make judgments based
on observing the cards I could see in the other players hands, and using that knowledge understand the likelihood
that I could better my own hand by paying the price (calling the bet) to get another card. The second lesson
was that if you were fortunate someone would teach you what you need to know in a way that lets you learn in low
risk situations. A friend of mine once described how his father taught him to swim. It seems that his dad took
him out to the center of a lake and threw him into the water then told him to sink or swim. My Pop’s method was
to help me overcome the fear of water, how to hold my breath under water, how that by cupping my hands when pulling
back and kicking my legs I could propel myself over the surface. In the end both my friend and I learned how to
swim however, I enjoyed the learning process much more than he did.
I kept bugging Pop to let me test my newly acquired skills by getting into one of the games with he and his
friends. Finally he set up a penny ante game with nickel-dime limits and a five-dollar buy-in. What this meant
was that prior to each hand being dealt, each player put a penny into the pot and that the most anyone could bet
was a nickel and the most they could raise was a dime. Pop told me that he would stake me (provide the buy-in)
to this game however; in the future I would have to come up with the stake using my own money. On this my first
night at the table and even with the low stakes, I was out of chips in just over an hour. I played just about every
hand and always thought my cards were better than anyone else. I was angry when I lost the last hand and the balance
of my chips, however my Pop made me stay for another two hours and watch the others play. The best lesson this
night was that you had to be aware of the other players as well as the cards you were dealt and you had to manage
your chips so that when you did have the makings of a good hand, you had some chips to put into action. It’s kind
of like gaining the respect of your peers on the job. You have to make some effort to get to know them, to understand
what makes them who they are and why they perform the way they do. If you always back weak positions (poor cards)
and misuse your assets (chips) you will quickly find yourself in a variable position where others will discount
you.
Final Thought
Over the next few years Pop taught me lesson upon lesson around a card table and about life. We played all kinds
of card games as well as many versions of Poker. There were times when we played penny anti and times when we played
with no-limits meaning that you could bet your whole stake (go all in) at any time. This was kind of like ‘putting
all your eggs in one basket’. There were times when we played as partners and times when we went head-to-head.
He was not what you would call a good looser however; he never begrudged me my wins.
Pop taught me that you had to be sure of what the game was because the rules would vary greatly. Sometimes they
were the exact opposite; such as, if you were playing Hearts you wanted to avoid catching any and if you were playing
Spades you wanted to catch them all. At times even the deck of cards are different and at other times you use more
than one deck.
Perhaps the most important lesson Pop taught me was that in any card game and the game of life the one thing
that would do you the most harm was going into the game with preconceived ideas or prejudices.
Most recently I have been watching the play of two porker tournaments on TV. One was the World Poker Tour and
the other was Celebrity Poker. In both instances the game was Texas Hold’um and the makeup of the final tables
was extremely diverse. The Celebrity table (as is celebrity itself) was both gender and ethnically diverse with
the final winner being female. I am sure that Nicole Sullivan’s
victory was a great surprise to all involved for many would believe that Poker was a man’s game. One
final table in the WorldTour contained several prior champions, one true amateur, black gentlemen, two men of oriental
descent, one Middle Easterner and one gay man. In the end the winner was the man who gained entrance by winning
an Internet game with a $40.00 dollar entrance fee and was referenced as “dead money” because of the chances that
this or any rank amateur actually had going up against the ‘professionals’.
Pop taught me not to judge anyone prior to giving them the opportunity to demonstrate their skills, at the poker
table, any game of cards or in the game of life. That if I did, I would come out the loser every time. Another
thing he taught me was about talking (or writing) beyond reasonable limits. He would just say: “Shut up and deal”.
